She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize