I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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