I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
