I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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