she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
