shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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