I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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