Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
