There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
