you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
