you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
