woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize