I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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