Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
