so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
