did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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