Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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