Moan for me like Helen Keller
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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