u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
