Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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