Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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