Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
