Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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