I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dignity is for republicans.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
