just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
