question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
