You can't special order awesome
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
