Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
