is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
