Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
