Your tits are I can't wait for
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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