Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
