Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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