Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
