It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
