There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
