the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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