I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hippo gnu deer
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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