I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
