you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
