I want to stick my p in your. b.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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