i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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