I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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