I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
