dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
