I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
