I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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