Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
