You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
