So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
