Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
