Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
