I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
