craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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