Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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