I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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