Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
