i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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