can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
