I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
