sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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