i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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