...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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