could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
