i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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