I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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