Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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