I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
