Christians are straight up FREAKS
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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