I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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