dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry about my life...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
