He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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