I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize