Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
