I cockslap morals
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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