bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize