people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
