watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize