Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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