saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
