I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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