i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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