pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
