I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize