This is not my ceiling
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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