Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
