Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize