If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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