I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
