They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
