Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
