i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
