Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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